Things my future-uncle-in-law says:
What I’ll do is, I’ll sit the blind with my rifle, I’ve got a silencer on it, and shoot hogs. Then I’ll check my emails (he’s an ER doctor in Texas), doot-da-doo… Then pfft! shoot another hog. (shrugs and smiles).
You know who owns and operates all the wind farms in the world? The C…C…P… (China).
The hogs, they have fleas. You know the tick and flea spray for dogs? So what I do is then bring the tick and flea medicine out. I buy it in bulk. I put it in a spray bottle, and spray ‘em down. Then I go inside, have a margarita or two, maybe a taquito. A half hour later or so, I take the tractor down, hose ‘em off. No fleas!
About a statue of a mermaid kissing a dolphin on the lips: I am mesmerized by beauty of that statue. I’ve never even thought of buying a sculpture before I met Octavio and he approved of it going in my garage apartment.
The hogs, it’s the best meat you’ll ever taste. They’re a Berkshire breed, so everything is like Canadian bacon. You know Canadian bacon? Delicious.
The hogs are plotting against me. I know they are. Here’s how I know. They dig a trench around my shooting table, that’s how I know they’re plotting against me.
Am I a south Texas redneck? (shrugs) Yep!
The hogs are downright destructive. My partner, he bought a big trap but then left to spend Christmas with his family in Galveston. I drive by, and he’s caught 34 hogs in the trap. I said, Ted, you better get down here and deal with these hogs! Anyways, he couldn’t make it so I called the local church, they showed up with eight or ten guys and bunch of pickups. We donated the hogs to feed hungry families for Christmas. I’m sure it was the best Christmas feast those families ever had!